A Trip to the dentist

I had to have a crown replaced. Now as I tell this story, please remember that I grew up in California during the 60's, but, my dad worked for the California Youth Authority and threatened my brother and I with the worst reform school in the state if we ever got in trouble. I was a good girl and stayed away from experimenting with drugs. I'm glad I did, but I have wondered at times what did I miss?

Well the last few trips to the dentist I've found out. I love nitrous, laughing gas. I feel safe, I am monitored by the dentist and am never alone. I feel like I have been digitalized, pixilated, segmented and yet at one and connected to the universe. Two feelings that are oddly in contrast and yet unifying.

Today as I sat in the dentist's chair, feeling pixilated and digitalized, I struggled to analyze what I was "seeing" with closed eyes the colors; how I was reacting to requests, open your mouth, how does that feel, bite down, what I could hear, the music flowed and yet was pixilated and digitalized. I also felt a loss of self control and realized that I was easily influenced. I responded almost without thinking. I felt very grateful to have a dentist I have known a long time and trust. I taught his daughter as well as the children of two of his employees.

I concluded I hadn't missed much by choosing to not experiment with a variety of substances. I dislike feeling out of control. I'll still choose to use the gas at the dentist's office, I'm never comfortable knowing my teeth are going to be worked on. I've had a couple of bad experiences with dentists. I'll settle for good dental hygiene and the gas when I need it. I can understand why people choose to alter their perceptions of the world; it was relaxing as long as no one had their hand in my mouth. I felt angry when disturbed, but also a little bored. I'm still a designated driver at heart and always will be.